To Hell with What If
by Cats070911
Summary: Barbara has gone to her cousin's in Buckinghamshire for NYE unbeknownst to Tommy whose new girlfriend makes him realise that his sergeant is the only woman he can love - if he can find her, and if she will accept him.
1. Chapter 1

**Author's note:** all usual disclaimers apply. Inspired by recent real events, so even though our couple are stuck in the late noughties, I have conflated time so they are still only about 40.

* * *

**29 Dec**

Barbara Havers stared at her television. The new Prime Minister was boasting about his landslide majority and how he was going to restore Britain to its former glory. She changed channels. Footage of the US Congress debating the merits and shortcomings of their President was equally depressing. The third channel had footage of the Australian Apocalypse where the whole country was ablaze or choking on smoke.

She shook her head. "I wish I could send you our rain."

She turned the television off and tossed the remote onto the table. Rising slowly, she stretched then walked into her kitchen to make hot chocolate. With the wild weather outside she wanted nothing more than to feel warm. Just as she poured it into a mug, her phone rang.

"Havers."

"Hello, Barbara."

Her heart sank when she heard her cousin's voice. She had hoped it was Tommy. "Hi, Jane."

"How are you?"

"Fine."

"I haven't interrupted anything have I?"

"Don't sound so hopeful. No, you haven't. There is never anyone here. You know that. I don't know who you would think I would suddenly find."

"I live in hope that one day that gorgeous boss of yours will realise what a gem he has in you."

Barbara sighed. "Nah, he has a new girlfriend, Anne, a perfectly respectable solicitor."

"You don't like her."

"Not much. Her hair reminds me of a pint of Guinness, dark on the bottom and blonde and frothy on top. He's been dating her for a few weeks. We met her on a case, but I... I'm not sure she's entirely genuine. I'm worried he'll get hurt."

"Oh, Barbara, only you could worry about another woman hurting the man who's hurting you."

"He's not hurting me. We're just friends. Nothing more."

"Are you sure?"

"I'Ve never been more sure of anything."

"You sound bitter."

Barbara rolled her eyes at her her phone. "No. The whole world is in crisis, why would I sound bitter?"

"Barbara..."

"Don't use that tone. You sound like Grandma."

"And you know what she would say, if he can't see what he's missing, you're too good for him."

Barbara sighed loudly into the phone. "Just forget Tommy, will you please?"

"I rang to see if Tommy had wrapped himself in tinsel and given himself to you for Christmas but seeing he hasn't, do you want to come up for New Year? We are having a party on the village green by the river. It should be fun. The rain is predicted to stop. And there is a lovely new widower who moved here in September."

Barbara closed her fist and silently counted to ten. "I was tempted until you mentioned the widower. Please stop matchmaking. I am fine alone."

"Okay, I'm sorry. No matchmaking. But come anyway. It beats London."

"How? London is one of the best cities on earth. Or so they say."

"Because there you will stay at home alone. Here you will be forced to have fun. Come on, the break will do you good."

Barbara sighed again. "I'll think about it."

"If you're hanging out for a better offer, I doubt his Lordship is going to end his relationship and throw himself at your feet in the next 30 hours. Worst luck."

"I wouldn't have him if he did."

"Good, that's the spirit, even if I don't believe you. Rotten little aristocrat trampling over your heart."

Barbara stood straighter. "He's not. He has no idea I'm in love with him, and he'll never find out. I'll come on one condition."

"Good. What?"

"You don't mention Tommy the whole time I'm there."

Barbara heard her cousin sigh. "Deal. Come up in the morning. Stay as long as you like."

"I'm back on duty on the second, so I'll leave in the afternoon on New Years' Day."

"Excellent. Well, I'll see you tomorrow. Bye."

"Yeah, bye."

Barbara rang off and sighed. People always meant well, but they inevitably made her feel worse.

* * *

**30 Dec**

"How was your trip?" Jane asked as she swung open the door to her quaint Buckinghamshire cottage.

"Fine." Barbara looked around. The limestone cottage had been reroofed and painted since her cousin had purchased it late last year. "The place looks good. Taking away that old section of roof and thatching it makes a huge difference."

"Thanks. I'm pleased. Took a while to get approval, but I am going to start the renovation next year to add another bedroom and enlarge the reception and kitchen area. Limited options with listed houses, but it is so cute, and after all that drama with Ben, I just want somewhere small and manageable."

"You don't miss London?"

"Not in the least. Come, I'll show you your room. It fits a double bed, and I turned the alcove into a wardrobe, but it's still a little squeezy."

Jane led Barbara upstairs. They ducked under low exposed black-painted beams as they moved up the narrow and uneven corridor. "Where are you sleeping?" Barbara asked as she was led into what she had thought was the main bedroom.

"The other room is smaller and still being painted. You can stay here. I'm fine on the couch. Truly."

"Are you sure? I can..."

"No, you can't. Just make yourself at home, then come down and we can catch up on all the gossip."

Barbara smiled hoping Jane had the gossip, because she had none, and she did not want to spend the day speculating about her non-relationship with Tommy.

* * *

Tommy had booked the restaurant for seven. Anne was vegan which limited his choices. He understood her reasoning about animal cruelty but it was something he would have issues with in future. He could potentially envisage a life without meat, but giving up cheese and cream and other dairy products would be almost impossible.

He adjusted his bow tie before slipping on his tux jacket. A quick glance at the bedside clock told him it was just after six. With the road closures he had agreed to meet Anne at the restaurant so they would have time to dine leisurely before heading across to her boss's New Years party in Chelsea.

When Tommy arrived, Anne was already seated. He gave her a quick kiss on the cheek before sitting. As always, her short cropped hair set off her skintight, yet classically cut dress. "You look beautiful, darling. That blue suits you."

"Thank you, Thomas. You look rather dashing yourself."

"I don't dress up often these days, not since... well, since my wife died."

Anne grabbed his hand across the table. "I know it's hard, but try not to think about that tonight. You have to live for the present."

He nodded, but it was hard on the night of Auld Lang Syne not to think about the past with its faded dreams, lost promise and people who had drifted away. Helen would have approved of Anne, even if Barbara did not. Of course his sergeant never said anything bad, but he could tell from her reactions. She would call it vibes. He was surprised that sgd could not see that Anne was perfect for him. She was witty, intelligent, successful, educated at one of the very best schools, and had perfect manners. She would make an excellent countess, even if his mother also seemed cautious, which had re-fractured their relationship.

"She comes from an excellent family," Tommy had told his mother, trying to win her over.

"She's not livestock, Tommy, to be selected for breeding. Do you love her?"

"I like her. I am trying very hard to love her."

"Oh, grow up. Hasn't anything that has happened to this family taught you that love is the most important thing? More than pedigree, or money. Marry for love or not at all. If you don't love Anne, then spare her the horror of finding that out when it it too late."

His mother had slammed down the phone and refused to speak to him until he either loved Anne or had given her up. He was struggling to do either.

"Thomas?"

He turned his attention back to his date. "Sorry. You were saying?"

"I asked what your sergeant was doing tonight. You two are inseparable. I'm surprised she's not at dinner with us."

Tommy grimaced. It was the same accusation he had endured from Helen so many times. "Havers and I have to work closely together. It's our job. We are both on leave until the second. I have no idea what she is doing tonight." Tommy winced inwardly as he said it. He had ignored Barbara over Christmas and had not even rung to wish her a happy new year.

Anne shook her head. "Don't be so defensive, Thomas. I'm not accusing you of being inappropriate with your staff."

The hairs on Tommy's neck rose. "Barbara is not my staff. She is my partner. She may not be equal in rank, but she is just as incisive when it comes to our work, and I couldn't imagine doing it without her."

"Thomas, it's okay." She took his hand. "I understand her role. You don't have to be so defensive of her. She seems a bit gruff, and a bit common, but I am sure she has a very efficient mind."

"She has a heart of gold. I don't care if she's not finishing-school perfect. In fact, I much prefer her naturalness. She's genuine and while she's not the easiest person at times, she always has my back, even when I don't deserve it. Barbara is... my best friend."

Anne withdrew her hand. "You love her."

"As a friend, yes, of course."

"Thomas, stop fooling yourself. I watched your face as you spoke. You're in love with her."

Tommy closed his eyes and shook his head. "No, you're mistaken. I can't be in love with her. It's too... what I feel for Barbara is too... sensible."

"And love has to be crazy?"

"Yes. Wild, impetuous, overwhelming."

Anne took his hand again. "This is not a boy's own adventure, Thomas. This is real life. Love is what you make it. And it just happens. You don't get to control who you fall in love with. You can't manufacture it. You can't force it."

"But..."

"Thomas, if Barbara and I were both hanging from the edge of a cliff and you could only save one of us, who would you choose?"

"Don't be ridiculous. You can't ask me to answer a question like that."

"But your face did. Thomas, I know you don't love me. I don't love you either. You're attractive. You're gentlemanly, and excellent company, but in the six weeks we've been dating you've never tried to sleep with me, and your kisses are not exactly passionate. More perfunctory. You were a fling. I had thought we might get a bit of great sex in there, but you can't because you feel guilty, don't you?"

Tommy raked his fingers through his hair. "Yes, but... Helen."

"Thomas, Helen is dead, and as harsh as it seems, I know you have slept with at least one other person since. Your guilt is about Barbara. Wake up to yourself. Go to her and kiss her the way you've always wanted to be kissed. I'll wager that you'll soon understand what I mean. Everything will fall into place."

"But our dinner... and the party..."

"I have eaten alone before and no one will miss you at my office party, but Barbara will miss you. I've seen the way she looks at you when you're not looking. God knows what, but there is something in both of you that only the other can reach, or soothe, or satisfy. Go and find happiness, Thomas."

"Let me pay for your dinner."

Anne chuckled then smiled. "Of course. I don't mind you leaving, but a lady needs some compensation."

Tommy kissed her hand then stood. "I am sorry, Anne."

"Don't be. Just go to the woman who will make you happy."


	2. Chapter 2

Sorry for the delay - it's hard to write when half your country is on fire. Thanks to some for your enquiries, we are safe here.

* * *

"Hurry up, Barbara," Jane called up the stairs, "and don't forget your coat."

"Yes, thank you, Grandma, but I have been dressing myself for several years now."

"It's cold by the river."

Barbara rolled her eyes. "Stop fussing."

"I can't help worrying about you."

"Why?" Barbara asked, not hiding her impatience.

"You don't see how this is affecting you."

"Enough. Nothing is affecting me. Now, are we going to ring in the new decade, or not?"

As they walked, Barbara wondered where Tommy was. She imagined him dining at some exclusive restaurant, then sipping champagne and chortling with his lot. She shivered as she thought of him kissing Anne as the clock struck midnight.

"See, I told you that you would be cold. Tighten your scarf."

Barbara looked at her cousin, who looked increasingly like her mother. "Jane, shut up. I'm fine. If you keep on, I will pack up and drive back to London."

Her cousin raised her hands in surrender. "Sorry for trying to help."

"One more word..."

Jane zipped her fingers across the mouth, then nudged her guest in the ribs. "Oh, look, they've lit a bonfire."

Barbara followed her cousin across the green. The damp grass wet the bottom of her jeans, but she did not care. For once it was nice not to be in the city.

"Champers or beer?" Jane asked.

"Beer first. Maybe bubbly for the countdown."

They mingled for a while with Jane introducing Barbara to her fellow villagers. "Barbara, meet John and Martha, they live near the river."

Barbara shook hands and smiled. "Pleased to meet you."

Jane nudged her in the ribs. "There's Harrington. He's the one I told you about," she said in a conspiratorial half-whisper as she waved at the man with thick, sandy blonde hair.

"Jane," Barbara warned, "I'm not interested."

"Because he's not tall, dark and handsome?"

"No, because... I'm not interested."

The man walked towards them. "Hi, you must be Jane's cousin. She's told me all about you."

"Has she indeed." She glared at her cousin then checked her watch. It was only eight o'clock. By now, Tommy would be having dinner with Anne. She grabbed another beer and wandered over to the small stage by the river to listen to the village band who were torturing the hits of the 80s.

The man followed her. "Please, don't blame Jane. She worries about you. And me for that matter. I'm not interested in a relationship yet, but people think if you don't have someone you're lonely. I'm not."

Barbara smiled. "Me either. Sorry I was rude, Harrington."

"You weren't. Not really. And call me Harry."

"Okay, Harry."

"What about we make a pact? Let's stay close tonight. That way people will assume what they like and leave alone us, knowing that it's not what they think."

For the first time, Barbara smiled genuinely and clinked her can against his. "You have a deal, Harry."

* * *

Tommy knew that the quickest way to Chalk Farm from the city was the Tube. With some reluctance, he headed for the nearest Northern Line station, Charing Cross, glad that he kept an Oyster card for emergencies. The train was packed with revellers, many of whom were already well on their way to annihilating themselves. Forced to stand, he endured the jostling and alcohol-infused fug in the carriage.

The clock above the pub told him it was just before eight o'clock. The trip seemed to take longer than it should, and by the time he emerged on Haverstock Hill, he worried that he would not find her in time. It seemed crazy, as they had the rest of their lives, but he had a feeling that if he missed her tonight, it would be too late.

He rounded the corner, and his heart sank. Her flat was in darkness. He suppressed a moment of panic as he thought about what to do. Even though he knew she wasn't there, he knocked on her door. Twice. "Barbara?"

"She's not here, love. Oh, my... aren't you the handsome one."

Tommy turned to see Barbara's elderly neighbour. "Oh, hello Mrs Finch, it's me, Tommy Lynley."

The old lady took off her glasses and squinted. "I didn't recognise you all dolled up, love. Poor Barbara."

"Poor Barbara?"

"Having to look but not touch you all day."

Tommy was momentarily dumbstruck. "Err... do you know where she is?"

"She left this morning. Gone to her cousin in Buckinghamshire somewhere."

"Buckinghamshire? Do you know where?"

She shook her head. "Nah, somewhere by a river. It's got a pub."

"A village with a pub and a river. That's half of bloody England."

"There's no need for that tone. Have you tried ringing her?"

Tommy felt sheepish. "No."

"Well, that might narrow it down for you."

"Thank you."

The woman went to shut her door, then opened it again. "If it helps, I hope you find her."

Tommy smiled. "Me too."

* * *

"So that's my story," Harry said as he shifted his weight on the picnic rug they were sitting on, "cancer is terrible. Am I a bad person for being glad she is free of her suffering?"

Barbara took Harry's hand. "Not at all. She knew you loved her."

"Love can be a terrible burden."

She nodded. "Yeah, it can."

"The voice of experience?"

"Yeah. Nah, not really. I've spent a decade in love with a man who doesn't love me."

"Tommy?"

"How do you...? Jane. Bloody tittle-tat."

"She warned me not to get my hopes up. She didn't understand that I... you understand..."

"Yeah. She means well."

"So, Tommy. Tell me about him."

* * *

Barbara did not hear her phone ring, but she did feel it buzz with a message. She had two missed calls from her boss. She frowned. "Sorry, Tommy has tried to call me."

Harry smiled. "Then ring him."

"It'll be work, but I had better check. Excuse me."

Barbara found a quiet corner to listen. The first message was Tommy groaning before hanging up. In the second, left less than a minute later, he asked where she was. "Please ring me or text your location."

Barbara frowned. It would be impossible to talk above the noise of the band. She decided to text him.

_Everything ok? Do we have a case?_

His answer came straight back. _No case but I need to see you urgently. Where are you?_

Barbara shut her eyes and counted to ten. She imagined that Anne had dumped him, and he needed a friend. _Buckinghamshire. I will be home tomorrow. We can talk then._

_I need to see you tonight, Barbara. Please, it's crucial._

"Arrrghh!" She knew she would give in. She typed in the village name.

_I'll be there as soon as I can. Where are you?_

_The Village Green until midnight._

* * *

Tommy checked his watch, then the map on his phone. In the best of traffic, it would take nearly two hours. It was almost nine, and by the time he got to Belgravia to collect his car and got out of the city, he would not make it by midnight. Tommy ran his fingers through his hair. To hell with the expense, he'd hire a helicopter if he had to.

The more practical answer was a ride-share service, so he opened the app and keyed in his location and destination. He waiting impatiently for several minutes until a driver accepted his ride. Tommy saw the cost and frowned, but on New Year's Eve in London, it was probably a bargain.

When the car arrived, the driver wound down his window. "Tommy Lynley?"

"Yes."

"Is this for real? You want to go to Buckinghamshire?"

"Yes, my girlfriend... well, I hope my girlfriend. I need to get to her before midnight."

"Get in. So, planning to propose at midnight?"

"Actually, that's not a bad idea, if she'll have me."

"Then we had better get moving."

* * *

It was almost eleven-forty five when the driver dropped him near the pub. The traffic around Hampstead and Brent Cross had been horrendous with several detours needed around street parties that had spilled onto Finchley Road. Tommy walked over to the park where he could see the bonfire and hear the sounds of a decidedly ordinary band struggling with a Simon and Garfunkel classic. He found the bar table.

"Drink mate? You look a bit over-dressed for our little shindig."

For a moment, the man's Australian drawl threw him. "No, thank you, not yet. Do you know where I could find Barbara Havers? Or her cousin Jane?"

The man shrugged. "No idea, mate. I'm too busy here to run a babysitting service."

"Okay, well if a strange woman comes over and asks for a drink, please ask if she is Barbara and tell her Tommy is looking for her."

"Yeah, righto. As strange as you is she?"

Tommy ignored him and turned back to the crowd. He scanned it with a professional eye looking for his partner. She was nowhere to be seen. He pulled out his phone to text her when someone tugged at his sleeve. He turned around expectantly but was confronted with a grey-haired version of Barbara's mother. "You must be Tommy."

"Er, yes. Where's Barbara, I must speak to her?"

"About bloody time you two woke up to yourselves." Tommy saw her face cloud over. "She's over there, on that blanket. I... I set her up with Harrington, and they've been down near the river most of the night."

Tommy did not wait. He ran towards the river. "Barbara."

* * *

Barbara was still holding Harry's hand. They had talked about so much, that she felt she had known him for years.

"That Tommy of yours is a lucky bloke."

"I don't think he knows that."

"If he's coming up here on New Year's Eve, I think he does. I won't get the chance at midnight, so would you mind if I gave you a midnight kiss now to say thanks and good luck?"

Barbara smiled and looked down shyly. "I'm not much of a kisser."

"Then the added bonus is you get some practice before the main event."

It was hard not to want to kiss him. As friends, nothing more. She nodded. "Sure."

Harry leant forward. Just as their lips touched, Barbara heard a familiar voice. "Barbara?"

* * *

And you will have to wait until 2020 to see how it ends...


	3. Chapter 3

"Barbara?"

Tommy's heart sank. Barbara was sitting on a picnic rug holding the hand of a middle-aged blonde man. He watched with unfolding horror as they exchanged a coy laugh before the man kissed her. It was not the passionate kiss of established lovers, more the first tentative kiss of a new relationship. His foreboding had been right - he was too late. Tommy turned to leave.

"Sir?"

Against his better judgement, he hesitated. It would be petulant to walk away after he had told Barbara he was coming. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to interrupt. You should have said you... had company."

Harrington stood up and offered his hand. "Harry Edwards."

Tommy's upbringing prevented him from punching the man. Instead, he shook his hand. "Tommy Lynley."

"She's a great girl, that Barbara of yours. I'll leave you two to talk. I might see you both in the pub before you go back to London." He slapped Tommy in the back then leant in close. "Look after her properly. She deserves to know how you feel once and for all, either way."

Tommy stood rooted to the spot. _That Barbara of yours?_ And then advice that was more like a threat. He felt he had missed something. "What's going on?" he asked her.

"I could ask you the same thing. You announce you're coming up here then act as if you own me. Oh, don't give me that look, I saw your face with Harry. You were barely civil. Why are you here?"

"I'm asking myself the same question. I hoped that was obvious, but clearly not." He turned and began to walk towards the drinks tent. With no way of getting back to London, he may as well get smashed.

"Tommy, wait."

_Tommy?_ Despite his mood, he smiled. He turned around cautiously. "Did you just...?"

"Yes." She looked down at her fingers which were picking at a loose thread in the rug.

Tommy walked over. "Should we talk?"

"Why are you here and not with Anne at her fancy party? Did she dump you?"

"That's direct."

"Why else would you come all this way tonight unless you wanted good old Havers to pick up the pieces?"

Tommy stepped closer and knelt on the rug. "Is that what you think? That I use you to pull myself together?"

Barbara's face confirmed it despite muttering, "not really."

"That wasn't convincing."

She looked away. "Yeah. I think maybe you do. I'm a bit sick of it to tell you the truth."

He lowered himself onto the small rug and sat with his arms hugging his knees. With wet grass all around, he could see why Harry had been so close to her. It was hard not to touch. "I'm sorry."

"What if that's not enough?"

He took a short breath and asked the question, fearing the answer. "Is it Harry? Are you in love with him?"

Barbara glared at him. Her nostrils flared, and even in the flickering light of the bonfire behind them, Tommy could see the anger in her eyes. "Not that it's any of your business, but we met tonight..."

Relief, but also shock, washed over him. "Do you snog every man when you first meet them?"

"No. Don't be crude. It doesn't suit you. We talked, mostly about our greatest heartaches. About his wife and her death from cancer a few months ago."

"Oh, I... didn't know."

"And about you."

"Me?"

"Yes, you."

"I'm a heartache?"

She nodded but did not answer. "The kiss you saw..."

"Mmmm. My... I... had hoped..."

"It was just a New Year kiss because Harry thought you would be here at midnight and..." her voice trailed off, and she swivelled away from him.

"That I would kiss you?"

"Yeah. Harry doesn't understand we're not like that. I guess I thought it would be nice for someone to kiss me and to pretend..."

Tommy put his arm on the rug behind her, bringing her closer. "Pretend what?"

She shrugged and picked harder at the thread. He stilled her hand by placing his over it. She looked up. "Dunno. That someone cared for me, I guess."

"I care for you."

"Yeah, but you know what I mean. For a minute, I just wanted to feel normal. To feel as if someone loved me."

"Oh, Barbara. You are loved. Very much."

She looked at him. "Yeah, as your friend I know, but sometimes that's not enough."

"I know. I understand what it's like to need to be loved."

"Do you? Do you have any idea what love is?" She turned her head, but he had seen the tears building in her eyes.

"Yes, I do. It's taken me far too long to understand that, Barbara. Many people have tried to explain it, but it was right in front of me, wasn't it?"

"Was?"

"I'm hoping very much that it still is."

_"Ten."_ In the background, someone had begun the countdown to midnight. Others joined in. _"Nine."_

Tommy took her hand and rubbed his thumb over her knuckles. "I came here so we could start the new year on a different footing."

_"Eight."_

"I don't understand."

_"Seven."_

"Don't you? Barbara..."

_"Six."_

"I realised..."

_"Five."_

"It's you I want to kiss at midnight."

_"Four."_

Barbara put her hand on his chest. "Me?"

_"Three."_

"May I?"

_"Two."_

"Yes."

_"One."_

"Happy New Ye..," they both said before Tommy's lips met hers.

* * *

Unlike Harry's gentle touch, Tommy's kiss was firmer and more urgent. It was less sure of what it was, and Barbara loved his uncertainty. He was as scared as her of what would come next.

There was wild cheering in the background, and a few crackers whizzed before they burst into reds and golds against the sky. Barbara's world narrowed to one kiss. She sensed his reluctance to part but hesitation of turning it into anything more.

Barbara drew back. "That was the kiss of good friends."

"Is that an observation, or a challenge?"

"Both."

Tommy's arms encircled her so fast she lost her balance and fell backwards, supported only by his grip. His lips found hers. This time there was no disguising his intentions or his affection. As her mouth opened to him, he pushed her back onto the rug.

"Oh, dear..." Barbara was lost for words. "Mmmm, yeah..."

* * *

"Barbara," a distance voice called. "Where are you hiding?"

Barbara tried to struggle free but Tommy kept her pinned beneath him. "Who's that?" he hissed.

"My cousin, Jane."

Tommy groaned and rolled onto his side. "Ask her to go away. We haven't finished here."

"Over here, Jane," she called, then stroked his face. "We can't kiss here all night."

"Why not?'

Barbara pushed a lock of hair from his face. "Because we need to talk."

"There you... Oh... well, hello. I hope you're Tommy."

He knelt up and shook the woman's hand. "Tommy Lynley, I'm Barbara's... partner."

"Oh, I certainly hope so," the woman said with a grin that was more than a tad menacing. "I'm so glad you two are... uh-mmm."

"Where's your car?" Barbara asked.

"I didn't have time to get it. I took a ride-share."

"So where are you going to sleep?" Barbara asked.

Tommy suppressed a smile when Jane elbowed her in the ribs. "He can stay with us, of course."

"You don't have a spare room. You're already on the couch... oh. Err... ummm..."

"Oh, Barbara," Jane said, "we're all adult here. I don't mind if Tommy shares your bed."

"What if I do? Or Tommy? He may not... do you?"

"Very much," he murmured as seductively as he could, "but only if you're not uncomfortable."

"We need to talk, Tommy."

He nodded. "Yeah, we do."

Jane harrumphed. "What better place to talk than in bed? Lights out, just the two of you snuggling together, talking about your future. It's a new year, a new decade, a new start. And... if things get hot, then you are in a nice soft place. Otherwise, I can leave you here on the village green if you'd prefer. I'll go and get you extra towels. You two decide." Her cousin left them in what Tommy knew was a tactical move so that Barbara would be less embarrassed.

Barbara looked at Tommy. "It's not a very big bed."

Tommy put his arm around her shoulder and pulled her closer. "That sounds perfect. We'll just talk, maybe share a few more of those glorious kisses, and then sleep. I won't rush you, Barbara, I promise."

"It's not that. I mean... what if...?"

"What if what? Why are you scared?"

"What if I'm not compatible with you? What if we are? What if you wake up tomorrow and decide you were wrong?"

"There's no such thing as being incompatible if we tell each other what we like? Oh, you are so sexy when you blush."

"Tommy."

"It's true. And so _when_ we are, then we enjoy making love every chance we get. And I won't wake up and decide I was wrong because I have just woken up now to realise we have been in love for a very long time, and I regret every minute I wasted."

"But what about work? And your Mother and what if...?"

"We'll quit work, or we won't. My family already adore you. We'll get married, hopefully, be blessed with a child or two, and we'll live happily ever after."

"This isn't a fairy tale. This is real life. What if...?"

"To Hell with what if, Barbara." Tommy kissed her so hard they almost toppled back onto the grass. "Let's go back to your room and let the what-ifs take care of themselves."

* * *

Barbara woke up when a hand stroked her stomach. "Tommy?"

"Were you expecting someone else?" She pinched his leg. "Ow."

"Just checking you are real and not a dream."

He snuggled closer and nudged his body against hers. "Oh, I'm real, and I am happy to prove it."

"I thought we were just talking..."

"Is that why you jumped me as soon as we got in the room?"

"No, that was in case this wasn't real. You are incredibly sexy in that tux, and..."

"So you decided to take me out of it?" He laughed then kissed her.

"Yeah, I think that was a wise decision. I love you, you know."

"You showed that last night. I love you too. But what if...?"

"To Hell with what-ifs, Tommy. Just come here and ring in the New Year."

* * *

Happy New Year everyone, and may 2020 be a terrific one for you.


End file.
